Faith
by dancemagictv
Summary: A short Ray POV of Clay's traumatic injury and the immediate aftermath from episode 2x17, "Paradise Lost."


**This was originally posted on ao3 right after the episode aired.**

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In a way, hearing the second explosion is more horrifying than experiencing the first. Even though Ray knows it's farther away, he's now seen firsthand the carnage it's capable of leaving behind, and all he can do is hope there weren't many people in its destructive path.

Sonny has just run into the bar with two children when it goes off, and Ray happens to be looking right at him when the Texan's face goes slack, he heaves a hitched breath, yells Clay's name and runs right back out the door.

There's an extended moment where Ray's alcohol-muddled brain tries to connect the pieces he knows are right in front of him.

"Is Spenser out there?" Brock asks shakily, and that's all it takes to set the rest of the team in motion.

By the time they reach Clay's side, Sonny is already bent over him, blocking his face from Ray's view. All he can see are the kid's badly-damaged legs and his blood on the pavement.

And his feet.

Ray's very aware of Clay's socked feet, which look disturbingly vulnerable in this frantic, grisly scene. He doesn't let himself dwell on the fact that Clay's absent shoes suggest he was close enough to the blast to literally be blown right out of them.

Trent is giving orders, insisting they need to get to a hospital quickly, and the men fall into a controlled frenzy as they work to help their fallen brother.

Ray flags down an ambulance, terrified that it's going to go the other way, or drive past him, and that they'll lose their opportunity to get Clay the help he needs.

It feels like it takes the vehicle an eternity to get to them, and all Ray can hear is Sonny's pleading – for Clay to breathe, to stay with them and to keep his eyes open.

The palpable fear in Sonny's voice is what finally prompts Ray to look over at Clay's face. He's pale and his eyes are closed. But it's Sonny's grip on the younger man's lifeless hand and the insistent tapping of his shoulder that make Ray's gut clench.

"Come on!" Ray shouts desperately toward the ambulance, not caring in that moment about anything other than getting the kid out of this nightmare.

It isn't until they've rolled Clay onto the stretcher and are securing him for transport that Ray realizes the younger man's eyes are open. And that unsettles him more than when he thought his teammate was unconscious. Because Spenser looks like he should be alert, interacting, trying to talk.

But he isn't.

And that is completely out of character for Clay. He's strong-willed, tough, and like most of them – frustratingly determined not to show weakness.

The fact that he's lying passively as they manhandle him scares Ray. He figures it could be trust, but he's afraid it's more likely a diminished level of awareness. Because of the blood loss? Shock? Either way, it isn't good.

As the ambulance pulls away and the remaining four members of Bravo are left behind in the street, Sonny turns to look at Ray. The depth of despair in the Texan's eyes is haunting.

###

As Ray sits outside the emergency room with the others, waiting for news from Blackburn and shaking slightly with the adrenaline crash, a strange sort of clarity settles over him.

Like his life suddenly snaps back into focus.

He thinks with shame about what he's been doing to his family.

How he left for deployment in anger, without telling Naima he loves her.

How he's been going through the motions with sweet Jameelah and little R.J.

Letting his own issues destroy the most important thing in his life – his family.

He's spent so much time drinking, wasting precious moments that should have been spent more wisely.

And he's sick with the knowledge that he's been lying to his brothers in such a reckless way, when they rely on him for so much. Depend on him.

He's going to do better.

For his family, for Jason, for his team.

For Clay.

Clay's life is the most important thing right now.

But Ray also can't help but let the thought creep in that even if his brother comes out of this with his life, the chances of him being able to operate again at this level are probably pretty slim. And that thought is devastating.

Ray feels completely helpless.

All he can think to do is something he hasn't done in a long time.

He prays.


End file.
